<b>DEAR ANN: </b>My friend is getting married very soon, and the gift I have in mind is handmade and won't be finished for another six months. How long do I have to get a gift to the newlyweds . . . and how do I inform them?
<b>DEAR READER: </b>Traditionally, one had a year to bestow a wedding gift upon a couple. Today, many believe it is about three months. Simply send them a note or card before the wedding stating that a very special gift has been commissioned for them and will be delivered within the year.
<b>DEAR ANN: </b>Many of my wedding guests have sent checks as wedding gifts. When I write the thank-you note to the couple, do I state the amount? Like in, "Thank you for the $200 check"?
<b>DEAR READER:</b> No, typically one says, "Thank you for your generous check." Often, it is nice to say what you plan to do with the funds, as in, "We have it earmarked for a lovely pair of crystal candlesticks!"
<b>DEAR ANN:</b> We have heard that couples can set up honeymoon registries so that guests can help to fund a wedding trip. We love this idea! How do we tell people that we'd prefer such trip money over a wrapped gift?
<b>DEAR READER:</b> While couples are free to set up registries for just about everything from household goods to honeymoon accounts to house down-payment accounts, the trick lies in communicating such information to guests. Basically, one does not "tell" people. Only if and when a guest asks where the couple are registered can the couple state the names and locations of the facilities or systems at which they are registered.
If a guest does not ask, it means he or she has planned something else as a gift, and is not interested in using registries. Couples do not tell their guests where to shop, because guest gift-givers are free to make any selection they like, anywhere they like.
Thus, registry site info does not go on a couple's blog or Web site, or go in any shower or wedding invitations.
<b>DEAR ANN:</b> Is it still considered bad form to bring a gift to a wedding? How about a card with a check inside?
<b>DEAR READER: </b>Bringing gifts to a wedding makes more work for the couple and their families, as they would have to lug the gifts home, so yes, it is still considered to be "bad form."
Traditionally, gifts have always been sent before or after the wedding. Even if the reception is tented at the family home, a gift showing up at the wedding is just one more item that the already busy couple and parents have to find a way to manage and store.
Yes, cards and checks also should be sent before or after, not delivered at the wedding.
<b>DEAR ANN:</b> In lieu of gifts, can we ask guests to contribute to our favorite charity? . . . We already have all that we need to set up a house.
<b>DEAR READER: </b>You are free to set up a registry with a charity, but once again, couples do not inform guests about any registries of any kind until the guest asks for such information. As noble as it sounds, the ball regarding any gift decisions, even for charity, is always in the guests' court.
<b>DEAR ANN: </b>I have heard about an old tradition in which the wedding gifts used to be displayed. Is this still done?
<b>DEAR READER:</b> It used to be that the bride's mother would set aside space in her home, drape tables with fabric or a lovely tablecloth, and display the gifts and the cards that came with them.
Checks were not displayed. Checks were identified by a simple white card for each one that read "Generous Check from Mr. and Mrs. John Doe." (Today, the white card might be colored, and the name might read Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Doe.)
Some people still honor this tradition and display the gifts. Traditionally, guests called the bride's mother to arrange to deliver a pre-wedding gift, and were often invited to view the gifts during the delivery.
In some areas, it is centered around a pre-bridal tea, and invitations are sent out to view the gifts and have refreshments.
<b>DEAR ANN: </b>My husband, children and I have been invited to a wedding as a family. Do we send one gift from all four of us, or should my 10-year-old twins send their own gift and we send ours as adults?
<b>DEAR READER: </b>Either way is fine. However, it would be an excellent opportunity to teach children about wedding guest etiquette by instructing them on gift giving and taking them to a store where they can each pick out, and pay for, a small gift for the couple to go along with the one from you and your husband.
Since Save-the-Date notes and wedding invitations are sent out in advance today, this would be a wonderful way to alert the children that they can start saving money from their allowances or small jobs in preparation for buying a wedding gift.