<b>DEAR ANN:</b> My mother is a teacher, and she wants to pay for my whole wedding, but the costs have us bamboozled! Have people always spent nearly a whole year's salary on a wedding?
<b>DEAR READER:</b> No, people have not. People usually spent about one-seventh of their salary, depending on the level of extravagance. It was never 100 percent - until today.
The price of a wedding, a car and a year of college have always paralleled each other. Sure, there are varying levels, such as the difference between a rental-hall wedding and a country club wedding, a budget car and a luxury car, and a state college and a private college.
However, back in my day, a year of college, a car and a wedding were each one-seventh of my father's comfortable, but not huge, salary. Today, because salaries in many areas haven't kept up with costs, the expenses of college, weddings and cars can seem exorbitant and can tempt people to take out loans.
In developing a budget, think back to the principle of spending no more than one-fourth of monthly income for rent or mortgage payments. Apply the one-seventh yearly salary rule to a wedding, and there will be the clue to an affordable wedding budget limit.
<b>DEAR ANN:</b> Is it wise to take out a loan to pay for our wedding? I have a dream wedding in mind, but can't afford all the costs, and feel torn.
<b>DEAR READER:</b> No, not ever. In my view, loans are for mortgages and perhaps college, if absolutely necessary. Have the most wonderful wedding affordable without going into debt of any kind! Wake up the next morning, having had sweet dreams and carrying happy, debt-free memories of a lovely wedding day.
<b>DEAR ANN:</b> While many of my friends have parents who are paying for their lovely and wonderful weddings, my fiancé and I are paying for our own and we don't want to start off our marriage in debt. I think my family and friends will think we are being cheap compared to many of their weddings we have attended. How can we cut back on our wedding expenses and still have our wedding feel formal and elegant?
<b>DEAR READER:</b> Think simple. Think "less is more." Think "no competition" - no impressing family and friends with anything except your love and commitment to each other, and your personable hospitality toward them at your wedding.
Getting into these concepts requires a sense of giving up the dream of the luxurious wedding, but it can help ground a couple into the realities of life and start the marriage on wonderful footing.
Working it through together can help prepare the couple for a successful union. It is the first step to being on the same team.
Ask talented friends to help, and consider having a reception in a pretty church vestry or parlor. One can still have a graceful elegant home reception, the way they did years ago, with serving only punch and cake. (In many areas of the South, it remains the traditional reception.)
If a beloved aunt has a lovely home, consider asking her for her yard or living room, and have a tea reception with lovely linens and a strolling violinist. It is not necessary to lose the feel of formality and forsake it for a catered dinner in a rental hall with beer and canned music!
Have a small wedding cake to cut, and then serve the guests plated cake from a sheet cake that has been pre-delivered to the kitchen by a grocery store bakery. Cut out alcohol or just serve champagne for the toast only. Offer a lovely punch or pink lemonade. Think "pretty!"
Ask a favorite uncle to drive you in his grand town car. Have the groom and his men wear dark suits, and ask the bridesmaids to wear their favorite dress in a color you choose. Carry a single rose; bridesmaids, likewise.
Cutting down on expenses need not mean an elopement. If being wed in a church, select the week after Christmas or Easter, when the altar is usually bedecked with flowers. Use the services of the church organist rather than hiring a string quartet. Ask a good friend to do the videography.
If friends and family can help, that can be their gift to you. Cut back on the guest list to family only. Wedding receptions have evolved from small, intimate punch and cake affairs to tented dinner and dancing extravaganzas.
The latter can be marvelous, and glorious experiences - and so can the former!
<b>DEAR ANN:</b> We want a professional photographer, but cannot afford the costs. What can we do?
<b>DEAR READER:</b> Choose your priorities. If you are willing to have family candids taken, ask your relatives who take nice pictures to do the honors. Book an appointment with a local portrait photographer and have one lovely pre-bridal portrait taken. Consult a variety of photographers. Ask if any have an arrangement that will allow for your budget, such as "ceremony only."
Ask your family and friends how often they take out their wedding albums and actually look at them. Ask them which photos are the most important to them. Engage a photographer to record those special moments by paying by the hour.
Not all photographers will be willing to do this, as they, too, must make a living and will most likely book weddings that are full packages - but it never hurts to ask.
<b>DEAR ANN:</b> My fiancé and I had the idea of setting up a "wedding account" at a bank, and when people ask where we are registered, we'll tell them the name of the bank. This way, they can help us pay for our wedding. I realize this is not traditional, but is it acceptable?
<b>DEAR READER:</b> While you are free to do whatever you like, your guests will determine whether or not it is acceptable. Some may elect to donate, and some may not.
In setting up such an account, the perception is that you, or your parents, as hosts, cannot afford to pay for the event to which you are inviting your guests, and you are asking the guests to pay their own way.
By inviting the guests to help pay, the event gets turned from a wedding into a fundraiser!
By definition, hosts are those who invite people to an event at the hosts' expense. Hosts do not ask guests to pay for an event at which they are to be guests.
Have the most wonderful wedding affordable that you and/or your parents can afford without turning your guests into paying customers or co-hosts.