DEAR ANN: I am having a shower for my neighbor's daughter. I want to invite a few of her high school and college friends, but I also have heard they are giving her a shower on their own. Can I invite them to my shower, too?
DEAR READER: Sorry, the "rules" of the road are that a guest is invited to one shower only. So, if someone else is hosting a shower, omit them from your guest list. Always go over the guest list with someone who is "in charge" of the wedding, usually the bride or her mother.
DEAR ANN: Recently I read that the mother of the groom has to check her outfit for approval with the bride before she purchases it. . . . Is this so?
DEAR READER: Not exactly. Traditionally, the bride checks in with her mother to share the colors of the wedding party, because the mother of the bride has the first choice of dress color.
Then, the mother selects a color that looks good on her and that also complements, but does not match, the bridesmaids' color.
Next, the mother of the bride informs the mother of the groom as to her color choice.
Lastly, the mother of the groom selects a dress that will complement both the bridesmaids' color and the mother of the bride's color.
However, the bride is not entitled to approve the dress of her future mother-in-law.
DEAR ANN: Do I have to have my clergy approve my wedding program?
DEAR READER: It depends on the church and the clergy. Some clerics want to make sure the order of the service is printed exactly as it is planned, and others want to make sure that nothing the religion opposes is printed in the program.
DEAR ANN: Weddings are expensive!! Do we have to give out favors at our wedding?
DEAR READER: Favors have always been more popular outside New England, so they frequently are not given at all here in the six-state area. When they are given, they are often a small item, a box of candy or the traditional Jordan Almonds.
DEAR ANN: We want our wedding to be utterly traditional. What kind of music should we have for our ceremony?
DEAR READER: Classical!
DEAR ANN: On what side of my dad do I walk down the aisle?
DEAR READER: The bride is always on her escort's right arm so he can slide into his seat without stepping on or over her veil and train.
DEAR ANN: Is it correct to bring the wedding gift to the reception if you know the people really well and if it is a check in a card?
DEAR READER: No, it just makes more work for them - more gifts and checks to manage and keep an eye on. The thoughtful guest mails or delivers his or her gift personally before or after the wedding.
DEAR ANN: Is it still tacky for a guest to wear an all-white dress to a wedding?
DEAR READER: Traditionally, white and all its shades - cream, ecru, ivory, etc. - are reserved for the bride. Also, it is polite for female guests to attend attired in a soft color rather than in a garish tone.
Additionally, black has grown more popular with younger people, although some women would never wear black to a wedding.
DEAR ANN: Can I wear a blue blazer and khakis to a formal evening wedding?
DEAR READER: Traditional male attire for a formal wedding, regardless of the time of day, is a dark suit.
DEAR ANN: Is it permissible to call non-responding guests and ask if they are attending my wedding? My mom thinks it would be in poor taste to bother them.
DEAR READER: Yes, certainly! Perhaps they never received the invitation. Mail can get lost. Call them and charmingly say, "We hope to hear that you are planning to come to our wedding. May I tell Mother that you will be attending?"